That friend will ask questions, lots of questions, starting with “How are you?” and going much further and deeper. That way you won’t skip a chat because you feel fine, because you feel terrible, or because you don’t want to seem too needy. It’s not easy to ask for help, and a regular schedule means that you won’t need to pursue your friend over and over again. Once a week? Twice a month? Once a month? How often will be up to you, but it needs to be consistent. It’s not that you can’t trust those above you, it’s just that they have other allegiances and responsibilities, and rightly so. That way, you’ll be able to share your needs, frustrations, weaknesses, and shortcomings without fear of losing your position or financial support. People who like to share others’ secrets with you are likely to share your secrets, too.Īs part of that safety, that friend will not be in your ministry line of authority or will not report to someone in that line of authority. Choose someone whom you know is good at keeping confidences. Your friend will not share with others your private conversations without your permission, unless there are special circumstances, such as there is danger of you harming yourself or others, or if there is a legal requirement of disclosure, or if you continue in unrepentant sin that calls for church discipline. (Obvious, huh?) You’ll be able to tell your friend the unvarnished truth, not just a newsletter report. So if you’re looking, what should you look for? What should you expect from that friend? Here are some suggestions: Don’t assume that people will come knocking, maybe because they doubt your need or their ability. You’ll need to be proactive in asking someone to be that friend. It’s not an exotic skill set, but neither is it common to everyone. But it does need to be someone who is a good listener, someone who is caring and empathetic, someone who understands you and understands the core challenges of life, regardless of the setting. And it doesn’t need to be someone with experience living abroad. It’s not someone who has all the answers. That’s because people in a crowd too often do nothing, assuming that someone else will step in.īeing that one safe friend doesn’t take an exotic skill set. Dorris Schulz, director for missionary care for Missions Resource Network, said that if she’s ever drowning, she hopes there’s only one person around. At a Parents of Missionaries gathering I recently attended, Dr.
When you have your home church, your sending agency, your family, your coworkers, and your supporters behind you, it’s easy for each individual to think that you’re more than taken care of. It’s not that there won’t be several people who could do this for you, but without someone specific to take on that responsibility, you may find yourself with no one. Since then I’ve come to the conclusion that all missionaries-and other cross-cultural workers-need someone whom they trust to be devoted to them because of who they are, not because of what they do, someone who will reach out to them consistently, someone who will encourage them, comfort them, laugh with them, and weep with them. I had a lot of friends, good friends, but I didn’t have one particular person who was committed to the role of being that one safe friend. In fact, I didn’t even know I needed one.ĭon’t get me wrong.
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